Thursday, July 28, 2011

6:37 AM

What were YOU doing at 6:37 AM on this fine day in July?  Because I was driving to work.  

At 6:37 this morning, there was a group of punk kids standing around a lone car parked in the Taco Bell parking lot.  High schoolers, seemingly, all smoking their cigs and passing around something (I really have NO idea what it was...) in a brown lunch bag.  Another brown lunch bag with something inside was sitting on the roof of the car.  Maybe it was apple juice?  

They were the typical high schoolers that you see these days.  You know, the too kewl for skewl type.  One girl with pink hair, one with blue hair, one boy with jet black with a tinge of purple hair, and then the boy whose mother needs to take a scissors to his head to cut the dang hair out of his eyes.  They all looked a little greasy with holes in their pants and and super tight tank tops.  And, I know I was driving and all, but I'm pretty sure I saw dark circles under their eyes.  And it looked like they weren't brushing their teeth regularly.

A few questions came to mind when I drove past these hoodlums:
  • Why the eff aren't you being typical teenagers and sleeping until noon??  Newsflash!  It's summer vacay!!  Seriously, take advantage now because someday you'll (hopefully) have a full time job (that is if you get your shit together) that might not allow for a summer vacation! 
  • Really?  Drinking before 7 AM?  Let's at least class it up a bit and be drinking a mimosa out of a champagne class.  The paper bags just make it seem so trashy.
  • Can I see your driver's license?  Because I'm pretty sure you're not 21.  Or even old enough to buy a pack o' smokes.  You know what?  I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that they were bubblegum cigarettes.  Because my friend Travis bought those once, and they look pretty real.  And you look really cool when it's hanging out of your mouth.  Just like Sandy at the end of Grease.  You can even stomp it out like she does too!!
  • The Taco Bell parking lot was the best place you thought of to smoke and drink with your gang at the crack of dawn?  Wow.  Smart.  I mean, since it's at the corner of a major road and a strip mall, I'm SURE that if the police officers of Green Bay see you, you'll have them fooled.  They'll probably give you a thumbs up for thinking of such an incognito spot to participate in ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES.  What's that sound, you're asking?  Oh, that's just all of the people going to work on the MAJOR HIGHWAY that is almost on TOP of you.  But don't worry about them.  They probably didn't notice you either.  High five!!
  • Why are your parents not dragging you by the shaggy, snaggly, greasy hair on your head back to your bed?  Do your parents even know where you ARE?  Did it ever occur to you that maybe they are WORRIED about you?  I'M worried about you, and I don't even KNOW you!  Where are those extra bibles that I keep in my trunk for times like these?  JESUS LOVES YOU AND CARES ABOUT YOU.  NEVER FORGET THAT.
  • Did you know that underage drinking can lead to underage GETTING PREGNANT??  Guess what.  If you're pregnant, you won't be able to fit into that little tank top you're wearing because your body will swell and your uterus will expand to the size of a large melon because there will be a LIVING BEING GROWING INSIDE OF YOU.  And then you will be all complainey about how you won't be able to fit into the prom dress that you already had picked out for Prom 2012, and HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SPRING BREAK IN CANCUN???  Forget about making that debut you were hoping for on Girls Gone Wild: Cancun 2012.  Because INFANTS don't LIKE Cancun OR wearing wet t-shirts.
Do they make these for teenagers?  Because I'm pretty sure that I could spare $40 to buy some for the parents of those poor, lost souls, who are probably still in that Taco Bell parking lot.  That way they can at least punish their devilish children by tying them to a tree outside and making them stay there.  

And yes.  I will read this post to my future children as a bedtime story every night for the entirety of their lives.   

Which will be very short if I ever catch them pulling a stunt like drinking and smoking in a Taco Bell parking lot at 6:37 AM.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Heat wave.

As my friend Travis said, "Whenever I'm outside, I feel like someone's breathing on me."

Since it's been a little warm outside, I haven't been doing anything besides laundry and cleaning my apartment and working.  

Sorry I'm boring.  

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Real World: Peter

I thought you might need a little break from me, so I thought I'd tell you about the man in my life today instead of sharing something stupid that I did.  

I don't remember the first time I met Peter.  But we went to high school together, and I remember sitting in his group in math class the day he got a pencil stuck in his eye (not kidding) and being really grossed out.  I also remember not voting for him for Prom King, but he won anyways, so that's good news.  Popular guy I've got on my hands!  

We kind of lost touch after high school because we went to different colleges.  But then one summer we ran into each other again when I was between travels for my internship, and he was working for his dad. 

Summer 2007.  Still laughing Summer 2011.
We didn't start dating until 2008 after a lot of back and forth about whether we should or shouldn't date and then I left the country to flee from my boy problems study abroad for a summer.  Peter was waiting for me when I got back, and voila!  We fell madly in love at my cousin's wedding.

Peter is the announcer for a waterski team - the Waterboard Warriors.  It's his third  year doing it.  He likes it.  And he has a really good announcer's voice.    Every year, the ski shows have a theme, this year it's a spin-off of the Wizard of Oz.  Expect everyone's in the land of the O.Z. and instead of three characters missing some important thing like a brain or a heart, Peter lost them all.  No brains.  No heart.  No courage.  At least he still has his good looks?

The good news is that the crowd loves him.  He's pretty funny when he's up there acting and announcing on that dock.  

The first time I went to a ski show to see him announce was last summer when I got back from Ecuador.  I was sitting next to a random man.

Peter (on dock): Jokey joke jokes haaaahahahaha jokey joke jokes

Stranger Danger: MAN.  This announcer is FUNNY.  Isn't he so funny??  *Turns to me*

Sara: Mmmmhmmmm

Stranger Danger: Are you from around here?  I've never been to the ski show before.  

Sara: This is my first one too.  I'm actually from about 3 hours south of here.

Stranger Danger: Taaaaalky talky talky.  HAAAAAHAHAHA This announcer is just KILLING me!!

Sara: Yep.  Me too.  

Stranger Danger: So, what brings you all the way up here?

Sara: ... You know the announcer?

Stranger Danger: Yeah.  MAN is he FUNNY.

Sara: Uh-huh.  I'm dating him.

Stranger Danger: You're dating him?!  Is he this funny ALL the time???

Sara: (being the kind, supportive girlfriend that I am) Yes.  Absolutely.  So funny.  All. the. time. :) :) :) :)

Peter.  You're welcome.

The state ski competition is coming up, and Peter, as the announcer, has to do a comedy routine.  There are hundreds of spectators.  Hundreds.  There are a lot of rules and regulations and things - like the announcer has to come in from the water when he starts his comedy routine.  Last year, he did a rap that was very well received.

His rap starts at 3:25 if you're interested.  I can wait.


Wasn't that impressive?  I'm not even kidding here.  He made that all up himself and only practiced it a few times before he had to perform.  I can't rap.  Maybe that's why I'm so impressed.

As you can see, he has to wear some kind of ridiculous things, but he's a great sport about it.  Let's face it.  He's an entertainer.  And it's lucky for the Waterboard Warriors that he's a good sport.  Because last night, they gave him his costume for this year's state competition.

Yeah... He has to wear that in front of hundreds of people.  He tested it out last night, and good lord.  The crowd LOVED it.  And he was FUNNY.  Legitimately funny.  Especially when he called it his "man-tard" and he lost his "man card" somewhere in it.

Always making me so proud.
I think that I got about the same amount of grief last night for dating him when he was wearing that costume as he did for actually wearing it.  I've got to hand it to him.  I wouldn't be caught dead in that thing.  And baby, he works it.

The good news is that Peter cleans up really nicely.

But as I told everyone that asked me last night - I still like him no matter what he wears.  

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  Seriously though.

Dating Peter isn't one of the many things on my "Look at the dumb things I've done" list.  So that's good news too.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Car wash

To answer the question that has been haunting you for days, but you've been too shy to ask, the answer is yes.

Peter and I are available to document your engagement.  Details can be sent to Peter. 

You're welcome.

I thought about never blogging again after my post about Kim and Stew's engagement, because they made me famous for a second or two, but then on Sunday I went through the car wash.

In Lake Geneva there is this amazing car wash where for $25, you get the outside of your car cleaned AND the inside all vacuumed out and wiped down and smelling all nice.  After nannying two 6 year old twins last fall and carting them everywhere booster seats and all, my car was in desperate need of a wipe down/vacuum, and I always found better things to do like watch TV or eat a popsicle than to do it myself.

It was a sweltering 97 degrees on Sunday and about 829% humidity.  Fun!  So, when I was on my way back up to Green Bay, I stopped at this car wash.  I paid.  I waited in line.  I pulled up... and realized that oh mother... I had to shut all of my windows to get through the car wash.  No, I still haven't gotten my AC fixed.

Now this car wash is one of those where you drive your car onto the track, put the car in neutral, and then it pulls you through all of the soap and suds and scrubbing things.  In a car wash like this, there is SOMETHING coming at your car AT ALL TIMES.  Not like the car wash where you just park the car and the machines move around you.  

I started to get kind of panicky because this car wash is kind of long.  Because I was getting kind of panicky, I was getting hotter, and I was breathing heavier.  Because things were coming at my car constantly, there wouldn't be an opportunity for me to crack my window to suck in some of that soapy/humid/kind of nasty car wash air.  

When I first pulled in, I turned the knob so that there would be SOME air movement in the blasted car.  It smelled really funny, and it was slightly cool at first, but then there was really warm air blasting at me, and since I was already getting hot and breathing heavily because I was kind of panicky, I had to turn that off.

It was the longest car wash of my LIFE.  I literally had beads of sweat dripping down my face.  I was wearing a bright blue t-shirt that had sweat marks on the back because it was so hot in that damn car.  In my head I thought that the soap must have changed or something, because I couldn't really see out of my windshield or windows.

When I FINALLY got through all the washing things and could see the light of day again, I realized that holy mother trucker!  It wasn't the SOAP that was clouding my vision - the windows of the car were ALL fogged up because I was hyperventilating.  So THEN I looked like a REAL idiot when I had my windows cracked as I was moving through the air dryers.

By the time the outside of the car was clean, I was crouching so far down trying to see out of the sliver of clear windshield that I could find that I could hardly drive because my face was smashed into the the steering wheel.  

I navigated my way over to where they clean the inside of your car, turned the car off, and sat with the door open, because that hot, humid, fresh summer air felt soooo goooood.  Then they made me get all the way out of my car so they could clean it.  I was kind of embarrassed, because they had to physically ask me to please move so they could do their job.

And then I went and sat in the air conditioned waiting room and watched the 1999 Women's World Cup Finals USA vs China on TV with a nice old man who kept talking to me.  And asking me if I was going to be ok.  Probably because I looked like such a wreck after sitting my sauna of a car without any ventilation for 5 hours 10 minutes.

When my car was finished, I was happy because I couldn't see the dust on the dashboard anymore.  

But then I was unhappy because I had to roll my windows all the way down so now they have watermarks on them.

Looks like I'm not going through the car wash again until October.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Secrets secrets are SO fun!

Before you read this post, you need to know a little background info so that you're not really confused.  But you'll probably get confused at this one part, because I was really confused when I was living it, so if you get confused at that part that's GOOD because it means that I was able to convey my true emotions.  Is that clear?

Background: Kim and Stew are our friends.  They are dating.  Kim and Peter work together.  Kim, Peter, and Stew all live in the same apartment building.  Stew and Peter became BFF when Stew was bored because Kim was galavanting all over Wisconsin being Miss Wisconsin 2010.  Peter was bored too because the love of his life didn't live in Green Bay yet.  Stew started visiting Peter and bringing him candy and playing video games with him.  Then they started calling each other "bro" and "buddy" and like fist-pounding and stuff.  Their relationship escalated into this weird bromance pretty quickly, and all of a sudden Kim and I thought that maybe Peter and Stew were dating, because they were spending more time with each other than they were with their beautiful girlfriends.  So anyways, we spend a lot of time with Kim and Stew which is fun because they make me laugh and always have funny stories to share.  And I really like Kim because she likes funfetti cupcakes, and I really like funfetti cupcakes too.

On to the story.

I am not good at keeping secrets.  I mean, I can keep secrets that are along the lines of "I am telling you something very personal and need complete confidentiality", but I am horrible at keeping secrets that involve surprises of any kind.  This has been proven on many occasions, specifically Peter's birthday, although that secret was ruined more out of anger than anything else.  So it looks like I need to work on my self-control too.  Baby steps, people.

Peter, on the other hand, is a vault.  If you tell him something and say, "Don't say anything, because it's a surprise!!", he locks it away and really doesn't breathe a word to anyone.  He knows that he can't tell me what he's getting anyone for Christmas or their birthday.  He knows that he can't tell me about the surprise party that we're attending until we're on our way.  I know I'm pathetic.  But I just can't contain myself when I know a secret that is just so exciting.  So if you have a secret, tell Peter, not me, because I'll probably spill the beans.

Last Thursday night I went to bed at 9:00.  Stop judging, I was tired.  Anyways, I told Peter that I was going to bed, which means "Do not call or text me because I will be sleeping and will be upset if my slumber is disturbed."  

He called me at 10:45.  PM.  I answered because I thought something might be wrong, especially since I JUST told him to NOT DISTURB me because I was SLEEPING.  GOSH, is that SO MUCH to ASK??

... Kim and Stew ... engaged? ... birthday ... tomorrow night ... don't say anything ... surprise ... propose ... sneak attack... go back to sleep ...

That is LITERALLY all I remember about that conversation.  If I am woken up suddenly in the middle of sleeping, I am so confused and disoriented.  And Peter knows this.  I had no idea why he was calling me in the middle of the night.  When I hung up the phone, I was even more confused.  What the heck had we just talked about?  (For the record, when I shared these thoughts with Peter, he said, "Yeah, I told Stew that I didn't think you'd remember anything I said, but I called anyways because I knew you'd be mad at me if I waited until Friday to tell you."  He knows me so well.)  So, I called him back at 11:03.  PM.    Way past my bedtime.  

That's when Peter explained everything to me, and it all made perfect sense.  Friday was Kim's birthday, and Stew wanted to propose to her.  He thought it would be neat to get the whole thing on video, and he wanted us to do it.  

Sara: Peter, you need to double check with Stew to make SURE that he wants US there of all people.

Peter: Sar, why would he ask us to do it if he didn't want us there?

Sara: I don't know.  But you need to make sure.

I eventually went back to sleep after thinking about how this whole proposal thing was going to go down.  I was really excited.  Because I like Kim, and I like Stew, and I like weddings, so wrapping all three of those things into one big thing is pretty awesome.  I was also thinking about how happy I was that I didn't have to see Kim until the moment it happened (I literally had to keep the secret for less than 24 hours.  It just seemed so... impossible...), and then I started thinking about how Peter works with Kim, and he would not be able to avoid her at work.  Sucks for him.

So, Friday comes, and I called Peter on my way to work to talk to him about the proposal.  And then I called my mom because I wanted to talk about the proposal with a girl because girls are more fun than boys.  And then I worked until noon (in the summer I get half days on Fridays... sweet!!), and then I called Peter on my way home to talk more about the proposal and see how he was holding up with not telling Kim.  He was fine.  Not giddy and bursting at the seams like me.  

When I got home I called Stew to get the final details all sorted out about what was going to happen that night to make sure that Peter and I were on the same page, and to make sure that that page was the same as Stew's.  It was seriously 100 degrees on Friday with 785% humidity, by the way.  And the proposal was happening in the Green Bay Botanical Gardens.  Which is outside, in case you were wondering.  Also, I don't know if you remember, but I have this sweating issue that I wish I didn't have, but do.  Awesome.

Plan: Peter and I get to the gardens before Kim and Stew and hide out.  Then, when Kim and Stew are in the gazebo, we will sneak up behind them and Peter will start recording and Stew will propose to Kim.

Peter came over after work and changed into not-work clothes and we got the camera all ready and made sure we had everything figured out before heading over to the gardens.  Peter was texting Stew the whole time to make sure that they didn't get there before us.  Stew told us to park "incognito" so that Kim wouldn't see my car.

Problem: There were only TWO cars in the parking lot... mine... and the woman who worked the front desk.  So we parked as far away as we could behind a hedge, and Peter told Stew to park in the fourth parking lot, not the first one where we were.  Situation averted.

When we hurried in to the reception area, I rushed over to the front desk.  The lady working the front desk talked slower than anyone I've ever met, and she moved even SLOWER.

Sara: Hi!  We're the precursor to the engagement?  Stewart Larsen called?

Lady: Oooooh, helloooooo.  Yes, I believe mmhmmmm I have that here somewhereeeee... Oh yeeeees, here iiiiiiiit is.  Stewart Larsen?...

Peter: Yeah, I'm taking the video.

Sara: Where is the gazebo?

Lady: Okkkkk... Go throoooooooooough the first gardennnn... aaaaaand theeeen go paaaaast the fountainnnnn... iiiiinto the seeeeecond gardennnn.... Keeeeeeeep going straaaaaight, and you'll seeeee the gazeboooooooooo.

FYI: She could have just pointed and been like "The gazebo is right there."

Lady: Mmmmhmmmm... Yes... That will be fourteeeen dollarssss.

Sara: *shoves a $20 in her hand*


Sara: Ummm.... actually, they're going to be here any minute?  So, if you could just... you know... *makes 'move faster' motion with hands*

Lady: *hands Sara change*

Sara: *grabs money* OKTHANKSBYE.

Peter and I proceed to book-it through the gardens ditching the sidewalk and walking right past the "keep off the grass" sign and straight through the lawn to the gazebo.  This was an important mission!  Peter texts Stew to GO STRAIGHT TO THE GAZEBO and not to veer off the gazebo path, because one wrong turn and surprise!  There we were.

We hid behind a hedge in the woodchips.  It.  Was.  HOT.  And I was getting nervous because I wanted to be sure everything went ok.  When I get nervous I talk.  So I started whispering to Peter.  

"I hope this works."  
"Turn off the camera, the battery will die!"  
"My GOD I'm so hot!!"  
"Good thing I wore this shirt that you can't see sweat in."

Peter got a little bit snippy with my talking...  He told me to please be quiet.  Even though Kim and Stew weren't even THERE yet.  Then he told me to take off my shoes.  Excuse me?  

*all spoken in a harsh whisper*

Peter: Sar, take off your sandals.

Sara: I am not taking off my sandals.  

Peter: You need to take off your sandals.

Sara: There is no way I'm taking off my sandals.  We are standing in woodchips.  No.

Peter: Sara.  Take.  Off.  Your.  Sandals.  We have to do a sneak attack.  Like a ninja.

Sara: No.

Peter: Just take your shoes off!!

Sara: FINE!  You don't need to YELL at me!!

All of a sudden, we get a text from Stew.  They're in.  I stop breathing.  They are walking around the garden looking at all the pretty flowers.  Pretty soon, they're RIGHT on the OTHER SIDE of the hedge WHERE WE ARE STANDING.  Kim keeps saying "Oooooh!!  Look at THAT pretty flower!!"  And Stew keeps being like "Oh, that's a wionvaiofh flower!  I'm a biology major!!  So I know these things!  I love plants!!"  Or something like that.

They FINALLY made it over to the gazebo right when sweat dripped in my eye, and Peter darted over to follow them.  I hurried along in my bare feet and set my purse and shoes down on a bench.  Kim and Stew were hugging strategically so that Kim wouldn't see Peter and I ninja sneak up on them.  He started filming...

Kim: SHUT THE EFF UP!  OHMYGOD.  Ohmygod you're not supposed to SWEAR on videos like this!!

Then Stew proposed and it was so sweet and wonderful because the ring in GORGEOUS, and it's just such a wonderful moment because these two people who we love are standing in front of us deciding to love each other for eternity and be together forever.  I got all teared up and was smiling like an idiot.  But not as much as Kim and Stew were.
Holy mother their children are going to be
rock stars or something because they're so beautiful.
Kim kept jumping up and down because she was so happy and excited and looking at me and Peter and pointing and saying, "OHMYGOD YOU TWO!!!" like we had planned the whole thing, but really it was Stew who did it all.  And he did a good job.  We were just there.  Actually, Peter was there to film it, and I was just along for the un-air conditioned ride.  

After they got engaged, we walked all over the garden since we paid seven bucks a pop to get in, and Peter took pictures of Kim and Stew being all engaged and adorable.  While he was doing that I was obnoxiously staring at Kim's ring and telling her how I'm so glad that I didn't have to see her until just then otherwise I would have ruined everything.
Stew legit looked like that before Kim smooched him.

Thank GAWD he's a human now.
So, Kim and Stew are engaged now, and I'm really happy for them.  And so is Peter.

I'm also really happy that Peter and I have the ability to accomplish a super important secret mission without killing each other.  At least we have that going for us.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Sweet land of liberty

I've been employed with a full-time job for 6 months (hurray!!), and I'm starting to realize that I just adore any day that gives me a long weekend.  That being said, it is obvious that I love Independence Day.  But not only because I get an extra day off of work, but because I fricking love America.  And I love celebrating things.  Especially with fireworks.

After living in a foreign country for part of my life (8 months actually living and working, 2 months studying), the Fourth of July has jumped up to #3 on my list of favorite holidays following my birthday (but you all knew that my birthday was my fave holiday) and Christmas (I love Jesus).  An entire day where an entire country is celebrating how great their country is.  What a GREAT day.  (Tangent: Last year at this time, I was in the jungle being scared and shooting little sticks at a lemon.)

FYI: I got that on the second try.

Reasons why I love America (in no particular order):

  • Electricity.  Electricity that the government doesn't shut off for 5 hours at a time every day for 3 weeks in a row to try and save monayyy.  Electricity that allows us to plug more than one thing in an outlet at a time.  Electricity that doesn't cost an arm and a leg.
  • Roads.  I mean, I am the first one to complain about bumpy roads that are filled with potholes and gravel.  BUT.  At least the majority of roads that we drive on are driveable, and have pretty clear traffic signals.
  • FOOD.  Living in a country where the meals all consist of rice, eggs, and a slab of meat, MAN do you start to miss meals that have 5 different tastes.  And guess what.  In America, we can find just about any type of food we want.  And if we look in the right places, it can be authentic.  YUM.
  • Space.  I am currently sitting in my apartment, that I live in by myself, that has two bedrooms, a large living area, two walk-in closets, two regular closets, and more cabinet space than I can fill (Stop.  Please.  I know I'm spoiled.  I wouldn't be living here if I didn't get a KILLER deal on it though).  I have a garage where I park my car that I don't have to fold in the rear-view mirrors to fit.  I have way more space than I need, but I'm allowed to.  
  • Safety.  There are no bars on my windows.  There isn't a fence surrounding my apartment building that has shards of broken glass scattered along the top to prevent people from jumping the fence.  There are two doors between me and my living room, instead of 4 with 4 different keys.  There is not a guard stationed in my neighborhood 24/7.  I don't hide money in my socks or carry my purse in my arms when I am walking down the street.
  • Phone plans.  I have a contract, and I make a payment once a month.  Instead of having to run to a store and buy more minutes for my phone when I want to send another text or make another call, I have unlimited everything.  I don't have 3 different phones for 3 different carriers, because Sprint allows me to make calls to Peter, who has AT&T.
  • Government.  I know that our government has it's problems.  Every government does.  But in America, the police officers aren't walking around in full gear with their bullet proof vests and machine guns all the time.  We aren't in constant fear of a military coup.  We aren't being taught in schools NOT to trust the police and military.
  • Education.  Especially in Wisconsin, this is a really hot topic, but let's get real.  Teachers aren't being paid a monthly salary that may cover the rent, but won't cover groceries for their families.  They aren't being fired in the middle of the school year because the school can't afford to pay them.  A college education is for anyone, not just the affluent.  Everyone in America has a chance - they just need to take it.  Unfortunately, this isn't the case in a lot of other countries.
So today, instead of complaining about this amazing country, let's just eat a hot dog or two, be with family and friends, watch fireworks, and then light sparklers and pretend to be fire-eaters.  Cheers to America!!

Summer 2006.  Love you Tay!!